It Was My Right for Way - Closest to Abuse

It really was my right for way!

I was riding back home from college. The distance was hardly 6 kms. It generally took me 15 minutes to reach.  I was leaving for home early that day around 3 p.m. There were very few people on the road. I always have enjoyed riding. I am a good rider, or so I feel.

I must have been riding at the speed of 40-50 kph. I was on the road outside my college and half way before I could take a turn. Just then a man from the opposite side rode in speed and swayed to the gates of the club on my left. I was in a state of shock and fear as I did not expect him to come from the wrong side (does not happen much in Pune because of police patrolling) also I did not see him coming. It was all too quick. He was riding at a very high speed. The speed was so high that he cut my way just before I could cross the gate. I applied both the brakes and had a sudden stop. My bike had skid a little. I did not fall down. All this was happening in the middle of a road which had a divider.

I was in shock for a few seconds as I could have not been able to control the bike if he would have rammed into me or if my bike had skid. I stood still for a few seconds after the incident and  turned around and glared at him with anger. I was very angry. I had a scarf on - he could not see my face. He only saw my angry eyes (I admit my eyes are very expressive and they say exactly what words can or sometimes even more). I stood there for a few seconds staring at him. I am not sure if I was expecting an apology - but I was there waiting. He was waiting too - right outside the gate staring back at me. I was so pissed that I knew I could knock him down if he stood in-front of me.

After a few seconds of staring at each other he asked me while trying to get-off his bike - "Abbe, kya dekh rahi hai?". Before I could reply he started throwing abuses at me - the Hindi ones. Yes - MC, BC, and all the rest. After a point I could not hear a word but only felt the strong presence of his anger. As soon as that happened - I realized I that my heartbeat was pacing abnormally. I was feeling very vulnerable, helpless, and intimidated. When I felt that he was going to come towards me with all that anger - I began to quiver a little. The only thing now on my mind was to rush and make an escape. I raced my bike and rushed home. I wondered what he was going to do to me? Slap me? or Push me off my bike? I was expecting him to express his regret for what he did but  the exact opposite happened. Also I thought, I was rather sure, that I was bold and strong but even my reaction was exactly the opposite. I probably had never felt myself so weak before in a situation like this. I had dealt with people before on the road. Several times!

Such a petty incident, right? Why bother blogging about it? Only for one reason -  because it made me realize that this could have got worse. It gets worse for many women. My experience was only verbal. This is the closest I came to it. I made me realize what women would be going through when they are abused by their own husbands, fathers, or by random strangers. What  would have gone through those who are raped or are beaten up mercilessly? It is very difficult to foresee or believe or know that there are people who don't have a squat of humanity, kindness, or consideration for others. For, many of us have never felt or experienced these emotions before. It is one thing to be aware and wary of these evils and the other to have gone through them.

It did not matter whether it was my right for way or not. It did not matter if my anger was justified or not. The worst part is something would have gone wrong I would have been blamed for it. For provoking that man. I think what ticked him-off was the fact that a girl was challenging his behavior by expressing anger at him. I believe that if there would have been a guy in my place that man would have not bothered to say a word and instead rush in the gates of the club to avoid a fight. I always fail to see the difference with which people see men and women. I generally never see myself as any different but probably only better. 

Robin Williams: July 1951 - Forever

I woke up to the sad news of Robin Williams Demise. He probably committed suicide. When I see him, look at his work and see how much people love him I wonder why did he need to take his own life. What could have gone so wrong? Wasn't he supposed to be one of the happiest persons on this planet? His death certainly defies this.  I wish I knew him - I would have tried to stop him. So many of us would have liked to stop him. But I guess it is this point where you make yourself not reachable.

Suicides are a taboo everywhere. I guess that is because we probably don't choose to be born either. We have always been told that it is one of the most coward acts or that it is a sin of the highest order. I don't think that committing suicide is a sin. I hope it is not. It is certainly sad. I do feel that it could have been nicer if that person could have put his life to better use. Better use by teaching whatever you know or just make a good conversation with someone or just donate body parts. But I guess sometimes things are actually easier said than done. It is free will I guess.

He lived glorious - whatever he lived. If he was suffering from depression for so long then hats-off to him for making millions cry with laughter. He did his bit. Mr. Robins, you pulled for really long and pulled on really well. I wish what you did is not a sin in the book of gods. I really wish that this has brought you peace you needed.

You will always be one of my happiest childhood memories! May your soul Rest in Peace! 

There is so much I want to do.. but..

There is so much I want to do. Things that can actually be done. But I barely make it in time for things. I get up exercise (sometimes), get ready for work, occasionally cook, and that's about it. I am always falling short of time. There are some people who do it all. I am just in awe with how do they manage to do so much in the little time we have.

One such person I know is a Professor at the institute I was working with as a Teaching Assistant. He is one of the most popular professors in the Institute as well as in the country. He not only teaches and does research like other professors but he also is an entrepreneur. He has a few organizations focusing on the area of education, agriculture, innovation, and patents. He has supported many entrepreneurs with their start-ups (my friend being one of them). He is also adventurous. He conducts Shodh Yatra where he walks in the remote uncivilized areas in India and is a also offered as a part of the Management Course at the Institute. Besides, he also writes and blogs very often. He is very approachable. He replies to mails very promptly. Sometimes when I walked through the campus late in the night around 11 pm I would still find him walking around with a bunch of students, discussing something. He is always available. He must be in his early 60s and I can't believe the energy he has. I wonder where this passion and zeal comes from!

I was discussing this with my friend while we were taking a walk. We both agreed that there were so many things that we want to do. We have so many ideas but we never take that step forward to begin. I said, I think we don't see the larger picture. We don't see that we can make a difference. He in turn said.. it is not really the reward of making a difference that make you want to things for others. It is more internal. People who have done it life long do it irrespective of that. I defended saying that they could see the larger picture. Why will anyone do something if they don't think they will make a difference? He said they do irrespective. It has more to do with the internal factors than the external ones. Maybe that is true.

I decided to ask him. I wrote him a mail (I write to people I don't personally don't know and ask them questions I have) and put out the question. I asked him "Please tell me what drives you to do what you do?" He replied saying the following - "Foram, I don't know if you will accept when i say this but I get a lot of energy from so many young people trying to do so many things, at this young age. I also get energy form my dreams and my habit of getting excited quickly with ideas with which i fall in love .. of course when heart breaks, i feel pain too, but then falling in love with ideas which have a promise is not difficult is it, so much should change in this world and there is only one life to live, may be". I feel humbled by his response. :)

The next day, I happened to meet another woman in the bus I take to work. She must be in her early 50s. She has been very kind to me since day one. I was new and could not figure the bus routes. She made me sit with her and briefed me with everything she knew. It was very helpful and warm. We have been exchanging hellos ever since. After about two weeks I again happened to share the bus seat with her. We generally spoke about her daily routines and how made her way to where she is. She very politely gave me tips on how girls should be very assertive. She told me I must not rely on other people. She said that the best way to learn is by observing. You can look at other people, observe what their doing and learn. She said that is how she learnt cooking. She is a Mallu married a Gujarati. She later told me about her sisters. She had 4 younger sisters out of which two died at a young age. Her youngest sister did not marry as she decided to choose the path of sainthood. She died on the spot in an accident. After her sister's death, she strongly felt like doing something for people. She is a certified trainer in yoga, reiki, and a couple of other things. For the past 14 years she has been teaching yoga to people everyday and has been curing people with various ailments through the exercises she has learnt. All her services are offered for free. Also, not only people approach her but if she finds out  that someone is sick she will approach them herself and try helping. I was amazed at how much she did. Besides, their home is also a meditation center. Anyone is welcome and everyday they practice meditation for a hour. If I did not speak to her you would not know she could do so much. She generally looks very happy and content.
There is something I have always been wanting to do i.e. teach children (specially who don't have parents) and interact with them after work hours or on weekends. But I have only been a bum. Some places were too far I thought. Sometimes, I was pure lazy, and sometimes my weekend free-time was more precious. I think I always wanted to be associated with children and do something good but probably it was never my priority. I only wanted to do it but I was not willing to take the pain. Its time I re-evaluate my priorities.

Marriages are Made in Heaven - A Satire

"Why marry and make one woman/man unhappy, when you can stay single and make so many happy?" - A Friend

How do some people meet 'someone' and know that they are the one they want to spend the rest of their life with? What are they thinking? I never understood the concept behind marriage. It has always left me baffled.

Like many of us, I am going through the phase of dilemma - 'to marry or not to marry'. In India, this is not really an option. Marriages are obligatory here. A radical thought that came to my mind is - are marriages the reason why India is really a country with poor people? Wait..put those guns down and let me explain further. People here don't really wait to find the right partner. There are a few points on the checklist - which once ticked by the parents will pronounce two people as man and wife. I have seen poor people spend their lifetime of savings just to get their daughters married and then they end up paying for an eternity. This really is one of the reasons why so many people have committed suicide in India. Girls, boys, and their parents. Marriage is not love. It is probably a way of assuring one's economic status and security. It is widely accepted.

Love on the other side is the opposite. It is wild. It embodies freedom. There is no bondage but there is desire and willingness to be with each-other and sacrifice for the same. It sets you free when you want to fly and knows secretly that you will come back in time. It does not look at bank balance, social status, or some impairment in the person. Thus, it is blind. For it wants to love for the sake of love and not for oneself.

We are certainly progressing (following the western culture or maybe regressing) as a country and many people are now willing to break the stereo-type and marry for the sake of companionship. People are looking at compatibility, understanding, education and willingness from both (the girl and the boy) instead of only looking at race, caste, community, bank balances, etc.  The progress rate probably is 0.1 percent. Nevertheless, it is a change.

Many of these marriages end up working and many don't. You can't blame anyone for the marriages that don't work. I think the problem here lies with the fact that marriage comes with a bulldozer's pressure of making it last a lifetime. Excuse me! Please tell me - what lasts a lifetime? One thing? Is there anything? Please do not give me answers like Sun, Moon, and Air. Even if they last forever, you don't, to see whether they last or not. People generally here are hitched by their parents assuming they understand the best for their child. And children agree. They are given a period of about an year (higher side) to make a choice. You meet your alliance thrice, see if you're comfortable and say yes or no. If you say No - then something is definitely wrong with that girl or guy. Does he/she have an affair? has he/she lost his virginity to someone? Is he/she impotent?

Everyone RELAX! A "No" only means that I do not agree or that I don't think it makes sense to me. Why make such a big deal out of this? Anyway! So, most of us don't find a reason to say "No" and thus end up saying "Yes". In this getting-to-know-each-other phase the following things are assessed.

Boy: Can you cook and clean? (like my mom)

Girl: Do you make enough money? (to buy me diamonds and a couple of world trips)

Boy: Will I look good with you when I walk with you in Public? (can I show her off)

Girl: Will he ask for dowry? (he is highly educated)

Boy: Will I enjoy making love to you? (it might not matter)

Girl: Does he have any bad habits? (I hope he does or else I ll have to pretend to be a teetotaler)

One says "yes" or "no depending on whatever the marriage algorithm in their parents head tells them. However, we are all scared wondering whether we will be able to live with this person for a lifetime. What if you lose interest or you feel that you can never love him/her? Our society has answers! Bring in a child. The child will bond you'll again and you'll will pull through a couple of years more. If disinterest invades again - bring another child in the picture. Having a single child is bad for the child's well-being. Now again the children will bond you for the next few years. What happens then? You menopause and the same goes for your husband. There is no way and no point in getting out the marriage now. Marriage is a prison or what?

After successfully having pushed the question of whether you loved the person you married or not for years - you find a way to stay in it. You then successfully progress to your 30th wedding anniversary. Cheers to that! Now you have your children's spouses to look out for and soon the wish for a grandchild will sprout. Soon enough it will be your time to die and you still don't know whether we love/loved the person we spent our life with. They say - we learn to love someone after we marry. Really? Is it that or you are now merely used to being with that person? And are you saying this is what falling in love is? I think this is called falling in a rut.

To marry or not to marry - that is the question. Or should you choose love and be called a philander? Marriage and love are rarely the same. Most of the time they are trade-offs. Jokes apart, from the purview of Economics it is more beneficial for an individual to marry (dowry) or even to divorce (alimony).