From 'the Fearless' to 'the Wise'

Remember how we felt when we were younger? Beaming with energy.. we thought we we could change the world! When we graduate we really think we know-it-all. Even though most of us are still figuring out what should be done next. Some of us take up jobs, some pursue their higher degrees, some freelance, some have their own start-ups, some take a break, and some of  us fail. However, the fact of the matter is that we all move on in life. Some, taking up family responsibilities, some specializing in an area of their interest, some still exploring opportunities. We choose these different trajectories of learning as there is no one road to success.

Now, as we move on in life, so do our friends. On our road to success while ensuring that we get the promotion we slogged for, we get the hike we deserve, we get the girl/guy we loved, and losing some friends and foes, we all realize that life does not unfold at our whims and fancies. Sooner or later, something dawns on all of us. We all realize that we probably cannot change the world. We felt like we could change everything when we were younger and were around people who were of the same age and had similar minds. But this not last forever (I am thinking of - Summer of 69)! After having moved on and taken steps towards 'growing up' we also realize that we know much (much) less than what we thought we did. Is that what a Master's degree really meant for? :D or that is why most of the entrepreneurs start with a few shut-downs? or do we get married only to know that marital bliss is not really blissful? Well, who knows! Of course, some of us make it straight through without failing and falling but even they know that this-is-as-good-as-it-can-get.

When we look a few years back at our younger-selves, we see ourselves looking back smiling :). You smile back too! You wish you could hold that moment back and relive it again. But we know it's a memory now. We try catching up with friends again in the hope those days and that feeling would come back. So, we all meet - all dressed up, now buying our own cocktails, in those fancy clothes we could not afford earlier, with spouses and of course - big cars. Soon enough we realize that things have changed. Girlfriends have now become wives, philanders have now become fathers, that despicable boy you hated is now a consultant at an MNC and making loads of money. This is fun too but it is not the same for sure. We learn so much in this phase. The more we start to learn and know the more we realize how insignificant we really are as individuals. The world is larger than we imagined, it is complex and now you know that there are problems which have no solutions. We transform from being 'fearless' to 'wise'.

You again look behind and look at yourself with a brave-heart smiling back at you. This time you again smile back but you don't really want to go back. This time you want to embrace your present. No matter how sober and responsible it feels - you know you are and want to continue moving-on.

You, Me and Everything Else is Perfect as is..

I am a Virgo! You'll know what we have in abundance, right? Perfectionism! And guess what? Experts have confirmed that I am one. :)

On a serious note, I never knew something called the Perfectionist Syndrome (PS) was a real thing. At first when I was told that I had traits of PS - I thought it was some sort of a compliment. After all  I was being successful in being A Virgo. In my head it referred to someone who wants things to be perfect and strives for it. So basically someone who does his work well and tries to minimize errors. "Wohooo!", I thought. It sounds like a parise because I never thought I was anything close to it. And, the bitter truth is, that is true as well. I am generally unorganized. Timetables and schedules don't quiet work for me. Also I am a big time procrastinator. I wondered where did the perfectionist in me come from. But this is all together a different ball game. I don't much is known about it or even discussed.

Now, let me tell you a little about the less known PS from I have learnt. Having PS does not mean you do things perfectly. But, it means that people with PS try attaining a level of perfectionism (which is usually unattainable) they believe is ideal. They strive for it and somehow are never satisfied. Does not sound all that bad right? But wait.. people with PS who try attaining perfectionism are not people who really attain perfection. There is a difference. Hell has broken loose for all of PSians (stupid but please let me call them this) because "Guess What?" there is NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION. The perfection they are trying to chase is mostly built in their own minds and majority of the times unnecessary. They set extremely high standards and have strong notions about right and wrong. They tend to play between extremes - which leaves less scope for other possibilities.

Their perfection is not generally limited to themselves. Because they believe that maintaining such high standards is normal. They are often unhappy when they themselves or even others don't meet their expectations. This also makes them extremely critical of themselves and others. Because they're so critical of themselves they have a tendency of going in depression led by disappointment from not meeting one's expectations from one self. They tend to be control freaks and come across as people who are easy to work with and live with - thus work and relationships also suffer - maybe leading to further depression. Well, no surprises there!

The main problem with this condition is that one is so blinded by their perfectionism that do not see it as anything harmful but rather a tool to success. From a third person point of view this might sound like a positive to have. This is because it is said that people with such high standards end up performing better than others and thus climb the ladder of success quickly. The fact is that is come with a big price. Most of them don't even realize that they have it. One of the major reasons being that they generally do not end up reaching where wanted to and this makes them feel that they did not try enough or that they were not good enough. Thus, the next time they set higher standards and put in more effort. It is like a rut! Really!

Even after doing a good job people with PS never seem to be not happy. They are not happy with 'good enough'. The feeling that they are not good enough haunts them so much that many succumb to the self-created pressure and often reach a point of feeling suicidal. This feeling is however induced by other factors at play that have touched the zenith. The perfectionists turn into procrastinators as they begin to fearing failure. This keeps them in a constant state of anxiety. Besides, they cannot handle criticism from others and often suffer with excessive guilt. This journey is full of disappointments, lonely, and mostly not real, It is trap from which they might not be able to come out themselves - for they believe that the price (trauma) is worth paying. They may need external help. Most of the PSians either make it or they break it. It never comes very easily for them.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Yes, I have a few traits of being a Psian too. It does make me feel worthless. I never seem to achieve my own targets and always feel that I did not try hard enough. But when I end up succeeding I feel that the task was easy. I will not give myself any credit. Our constant need for perfection not only drives us crazy but it can also make your loved one's go insane. I often forget to tell myself that this is as good as it can get!

I took PS to a different level. I thought I was autistic or I had ADHD and thus I was the way I am. Yes! the 'I am not good enough' can haunt you so much. I forget that I have a tendency of creating a perfect image of everything. But slowly I am trying to bring this to my consciousness and am making efforts to not let it take control over me. Yes, there is no such thing as perfection - for maybe things are perfect just the way they are.

We don't realize how much it affects us. It prevents you from being you not just in front of others but also in-front of your mirror. I have started to find beauty in imperfection and peace in accepting things as they are.  Red pants can look nice with yellow boots. My reports are 'justified', font - Times new roman, size 11. Oops! but I forgot to run the spell check again. It's alright! I think running it twice already was enough :)

All the PSians there - Don't be so harsh on yourself! Things and people are good enough, and so are you, and so am I.

Until we meet again.. :)

"Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation." - Rumi

There are so many people who touch our lives knowingly and unknowingly. However, as we know it, not everyone stays and not everyone goes. Some stay and keep bumping into you whether you like it or not and some people meet you on paths you'd never cross again - where your hellos are your goodbyes.

They say everyone in your life has some role to play and vice versa. And once their role in your life is over they go away. There are some people you find difficult to let-go and some people you can't stand seem to be hang around for life.

I have had many people come and go in my life. At first I thought that I might not be able live without them and thus tried holding on, tightly. I later learnt that I could live without them and holding on to them is only making things more difficult. The void might exist for sometime and in some cases the void might be forever but we learn to live. I guess we are programmed that way. I am not talking about losing people because of death. I am only talking of people who we never connect with again - either by choice or because we never had a point of contact. I have really not lost anyone because of their demise, yet. But I feel letting go might comes close to it. There are two reasons why I believe I have had people walk away. One - I am brutally honest. I have come to a conclusion that it may not be a quality that people appreciate. They could be okay at first but later they when it really comes to themselves they will not like it. Beautification and aesthetics are extolled for a reason and honesty is right on the other extreme. Tact is a form of art which people some times need to learn and for it does not come naturally to them. I know, all I need to do is dip the honesty in thick Belgium chocolate and make it look like an offer that people cannot refuse :). Anyway,  and the second reason I believe is that maybe their role in my life is over now.

So when I think of people who are still there with me, I am thankful that they exist and complete my life but on the hindsight a thought that comes to my mind is that I must not take them for granted. People come and people go. But, this world is really a small place and that sometimes good-byes and hellos are not really at our discretion. Therefore, I have decided to say... until we meet again. :)