I was at a friend's party recently. The party was not really for a particular occasion but it had some reason. Oh yes, it was a weekend! I had said no too many times earlier to my friend's invites that I could not say a no this time. I went there and was surrounded mostly by people I did not know. It felt strange and awkward. Everyone one else was pally - It was certain they knew each other. They all belonged to my age group.
At the outset, everyone looked friendly, and nice. However, I realized I was still uncomfortable. I was not able to make conversations with people - basically I did not know what to speak to them about - I had such a strong feeling that we have nothing in common. I was in two worlds parallelly. I was spaced out in my own thoughts and the moment that struck me I tried making small conversations with people around. I felt old in spirit. Although I am slightly shy by nature, about 5 years ago I would have reacted in a opposite way.
Anyway, so the party began. People kept pouring in. I realized that more than half the people did not know more than one person there.I was surprised to see people from various ethnicity around. Slowly people started meeting and talking to other people. Simultaneously, whisky and vodkas were poring and EDM was catching up. I knew this party was really not my thing.. for me parties and celebrations are about being with your loved ones. I know it sounds so boring but that makes me comfortable.
This blog is just about the observations I made there. There was something off about this party, in spirit. Like things there were happening for the heck of it. No one was celebrating but was just there trying hard to do all the things that define a party without really meaning it. As more bottles were emptied the wilderness in the party enhanced. The only action that was happening was passing of drinks. Before you finished one the other was ready. It felt like the common language of all people who did not even speak the same language. Besides, the regular stuff - guys hitting on girls, making moves, etc was of course running in the background. This did seem normal. However, there were other things happening in the background that seemed normal too but they should have not been.
Women who were being hit-on by the men enjoyed the attention but did not like the proximity. Nonetheless, the smile on her face did not wither. The smile was a constant - whether she liked what was happening around her or not. She did not express her discomfort but instead layered it with a smile. Yes, that could be her choice also and that is exactly what I thought it was, until she not pull my hand to divert that man's attention from her to me. I wondered why she did not walk away or talk him off. I probably would do that. I pretty much had a dead mood - which meant I was bored to death and had also given up hope that it was going to get better. The man still approached her and she was still smiling. I went back. Further, in the background, people drank to a point that their inhibitions started becoming rants. One man spoke about how his mother still hits him but that he has an excellent rapport with his father. Their best father-son time is when they discuss alcohol and buy the best brands for each other. He looked at that as a compensation. Well, that is sweet!
No one was really dancing, conversing, networking, or even drinking. It did not look like fun to me. To me it looked like a facade and a vent out. It was an opportunity to make yourself so vulnerable that one need not apologize. It was all a lie. In the end, people drunk-fought, abused friends, and said this is what true friends are for. Things were normalizing again.
The party was over (after it felt like an eternity) I was glad I was going to be home soon. The moral of the story is that I realized I am not a party animal. Of course, there is no going back.
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